Sollicitudo Alter Ego

Try to sit nearby the beach. Listened to the waves calling you. Feel the touch of the wind. At your cheek, hands, feet, your whole body. How calm it is. So hypnotizing. You might fall asleep. Peacefully. Calmly. Soothingly. Have a look at the ocean. The blue sky pops out the sea color. Turquoise, or green? Or blue? Dark blue? All the color gradation. No matter how hard your life is, how difficult your struggling situation right now. The waves will fill up your mind. The wind will swings your soul. Sit still. Stand still. Enjoy

I tried. I did my best (did i ?) in every single hard time we face. I am so exhausted right now. I worked hard, while you play hard. You enjoy every thing that comes from my effort. I thought you are a man.

17th August. The Independence Day of Indonesia. Merdeka!!!! But my heart is broken and tears keep coming down my face. Independence? What is the real meaning of the word? Are we trully independence now? "We" here refers to the minority communities. Minority in money. Minority in education. Minority in public facilities and services. Minority in races. Minority in religion believes. Are we really independence nowadays, especially now as we celebrate our National Independence Day? I even prefer to use english to pour out my words. I even prefer to post on my blog while hoping this thought would not bring me to harm. Why? Because i am Afraid. Perhaps, because i am not sure. There are riots still happened almost every day in almost every part of the nation. Whom we are independence from? The war with enemies has ended since 70 years ago. However the enemies who we are fighting with now are not from outside of Indonesia. They're our own people. We fight

Why? Why do i have to stay here for days without any progress? Why should i keep quiet even i witness yhe bad things she did to him? Why all my plans seems falling apart? Why can't i taste any happiness? Probably there are millions of questions which may start with why. Things happen for a reason. Some says. So what are the reasons? When situation's getting harder, most of us will react with "why". Aaargh, why do i even have to write about this. Why do i think that people will read this article?

What is happening to a woman's life once she got married? Living a happily ever after life? Singing joyfully since the sun rises through the days until the evening call?

Just like any other human in the world, I have lots of ideas and plan in my head (or my brain?) waiting for their moment to reveal and become real. I also have thousands of criticism about things surround me, like every single thing that I see/meet everyday. Sometimes I written down those thoughts or critics on some of my social media accounts. It was easier and shorter to write down. However, sometimes after I posted it and read them again I felt unsatisfied. I need to described down all. I love details (so much). I want people who read them will able to understand what I was saying and what I meant. But to write long article or to post something that longer than any social media can afford, needs more than desire to share the stories. It also need time to write and patience. It's not easy to just sit down and typed the words that jumping all around in your brain. That what was happening with me. I got few notes-book-daily journal-diaries. And none of them were fulf